Sunday afternoon duldrums

Life seems to tick along so slowly that we often find ourselves so bored with the present we fixate on the next holiday or the next special occasion. We cannot enjoy the moment, because the moment does not exist. It is only a stepping stone into the future, the same future that we will not enjoy as the present because we will discard it as an irrelevant moment in relationship to that anticipated future. The problem lies in the fact that the future always disappoints, because it never delivers the great moment of redemption. It always remains...the unobtainable, undeliverable future.

We are all that we have, and that sucks for some of us!

Its so ironic that we can become so lost in the world when we are surrounded by so many circles of friends and family. The truth of that only becomes glaringly apparent when the many friendly faces have faded and only our inner circle remains. Instead of enlarging to make room for the multiple personalities we have become for multiple relationships we have formed, it binds even more tightly. Now in this little circle there is not enough room to share the 'bigness' of ourselves. Those selves that we did even not know we had become. Now in our little, isolated circle we scream when we angry, say ugly things when we are hurt, and we ignore when we are ignored. This circle has become foreign to us, but now even the outside seems so vast and lonely.
It is though we have to learn how to be ourselves again. Only now we have discovered that we are strangers to ourselves, and we feel lost.

We are praying that we can learn to be unpolluted by the world, to help our children to be unpolluted. We want to go into the world and to make disciples of all nations, to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to heal the sick. Please pray that we will become humble, true servants worthy of this mission.

Growing pains

I have guilt. More specifically, I have missionary guilt. I have discovered several truths about myself that make me feel inadequate to this task that we have set ourselves upon.

Although it is easier to leave than to be left behind, we are all equally as lonely when it is all said and done.

It is easier to ask for financial help and to graciously accept it than to be the one to decide on what to spend your friend's hard-earned money that they put in your personal trust.

It is so much easier to talk about doing something radical for God than it is to be alone in a place with nothing and no one, except the assurance that you are in the will of Him who loves you.

Begin the journey

As I was in the Tennessee shower this morning thinking of all the things I needed to do for the day (because I’m unemployed, although I thought I had a job when I moved 700 miles from home with that expectation) my mind slipped forward to all the other things I also wanted to accomplish such as write thank you notes to those who gave to us so generously, vacuum my rented carpet (yuck), lose 15 lbs…Then I had an idea that I should start a blog post for my friends and family whom I’ve so far away in Florida.
So now that I’m dry and dressed, I think I’m blogging. I’m doing this first because I do not want this task relegated to the “not accomplished pile” at the end of the day with my good ole friend Weight Loss. If you are one of those people who think, as I also think, that blogging is often an arrogant form of self expression for those who think that they have exquisite insight and everyone would be much wiser if they only shared in it, than my blog is not for you. This blog is for my friends and my family, who I miss terribly (sniff, sniff) and for those who have ever taken a giant leap out of their lives to do something for God without having a backup plan or considering the consequences of failure. (Or are considering doing so!)