This is for Bailey...

When Jeremiah suggested that we leave Florida to go somewhere where he could get an education in ministry, I jumped right onto that bandwagon. I have always thought of myself as daring, free-thinking, hard-core sort of girl who likes to shock people with the extent, and often the off color of my 'grit'. Contrary to popular belief, it was much harder for Jerm and the kids to adjust to the idea and to actually follow through with selling our possessions, and packing up our life to move away from my mom, my nieces (grand-nephew) and my church family than it was for me. I'm a rebel! A John Wayne of my gender! The do-what-you-say-and say-what-you-mean daughter of Ralph Blackwell for crying out loud! I had no qualms about this at...all, period. Funny, how I can be so stupid, yet manage to remain so insightful about my stupidity.
From the time I can remember, I have taken to heart that verse which says, "who will go for us?" I was ready, I wanted to go where ever God wanted me to go, no questions asked.
Two months down the road, I realize that I FOOLISHLY did not work up any contract with God nor did I agree to go under any stipulations which suited my wants and desires. It dawned on me last Friday that God did not ever agree to provide me with a home here. He did not EVER agree to providing me with a second church 'outfit', fast food on Fridays with the kids, the laundry detergent I have been using for 5 years that I prefer, new glasses to replace the ones broken in transport.....(I could go on, but I think the point has been made:) I have been struggling most with the thought that if God wanted us to be here and if we made the right decision that everything would have fallen in place and this would not have been so painful. But, the truth is that God is not my Santa and he never promised me ANYTHING, other than my load would be lighter than it is now and that He would be with us until the end. He told us to go, and we chose to obey. Now we have to just sit in the lonely silence and wait for God to reveal Himself to us, but now I understand that He does not reveal himself through 'good' circumstances or through 'everything working out just right'. He has revealed himself by quietly and patiently waiting for me realize that obedience does not always equal spiritual or material prosperity. I am not promised anything, but a lighter burden....